The Testimony nobody wants to hear

My mini-testimony

When people give their testimony I love to hear where they have come from. The funny thing is that nobody asks mine……NOBODY!! People who know me already know my testimonial. They know me better than I know myself. People look at the outside and feel like, she has no struggles, she has always had it easy. Part of this is true, I have been very blessed in my life. However, the truth is I never went to church with my family. I knew nothing of Jesus, Easter or the bible. Of course we had that big bible on the coffee table that most households have but I never opened it. It was just a book to me. I never opened it.

In my youth I was naturally a “goody 2 shoes”. I did things by the book just because it was the right thing to do….(ok, I did a little dirt). But I was the one to tell my friends I was taking them home when they wanted to stay out past their curfew. My mom always said I was an old soul. My friends’ parents however saw me as some sort of bad influence because they dragged their kids to church and mine didn’t. However,they were doing more crap than I was, they just had no idea or needed someone to blame beside themselves for their kids’ behavior. I dealt with it because I knew the truth and really had no desire or reason to go to church. If it is going to make me grouchy like my friends every Sunday morning you can have it.

As a family we did the Christmas celebrations and Easter baskets but I never knew the reasons behind them. I just knew that people would say “I’m blessed” or “I’m going to pray for you”…uumm Ok? Nobody told me anything about the meaning behind it. They almost made it seem as if their prayer was a bad thing. Almost a necessary evil for my “wicked ways” *shrug*. Knock yourself out if it makes you feel better about yourself which most of the time that is what it was about anyway. I know better than you so I will save you with my prayer rather than talk to you face to face. Yes, that makes perfect sense to someone who knows nothing of Christ…(insert sarcasm here).

I really had it pretty easy. No major events, besides my parents’ divorce and their personal drama. My family was healthy and all was good in my little world but I still felt empty and a little lost. I was still searching for some sort of closure or reason why I was so content and why others had so much turmoil. The song Who am I by Casting Crowns is a perfect song for how I felt I was like the person in the Forever Jones song He Wants it All. So, while people were praying for me and walking off, they left me with nothing to work with, no direction.

Then, I met Janice White. She was my best friend in Cosmetology school and was also 17 years my senior.  We would sit and eat our Snack well cereal bars during our breaks in Cosmetology school. Not only did she introduce me to the bad habit of coffee drinking at 17 🙂 but she also introduced me to Jesus. Something that all the people who claimed they prayed for me never did. All that talk and they never thought to ask….”do you know Jesus?”..”do you understand what prayer is?” Janice would give me her old Sunday school lessons and I would look through them and I then I bought my first Women’s Study bible. I remember riding home listening to the first gospel tape I ever bought by CeCe Winans as she sang “I surrender all” and I did. I still cannot hear that song without tears. After many church visits and even being members nobody ever asked my testimony. They see the husband, the kids and house and never ask how, why. or when.

As I got older my father explained to me that I had the hardest testimony of all. I was living in the blessing and did not realize it. WOW! The problem is that most people who live in the blessing, before discovering the blessor, never realize it and take it for granted.  They feel it is all about them.  However, I knew in my spirit that something was missing and I wanted it.  I have met 4 people in my life that have truly made me say wow I want what they have. I wanted that spirit of being free and knowing I am not alone.

That is the way I want to show people Jesus, not by my ability to quote a verse or use “Christianese” to the point that I have to look up what you are talking about. I want to feel Jesus when I see you.  If you are blessed to have  truly met a person that makes you say God is Real without mentioning his name….then my friend you are blessed.

 

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